Promenade
by DarkToLight
Summary: A Seraph and a Maiden... Some stories. -Has now become a oneshot collection!- -Kraine, KratosxRaine- -Disc2 spoilers- -slightly altered script- R&R if you will!
1. Promenade

**Hullo, me again.**

Spoilers and only ever-so-slightly AU. DON'T READ ON UNLESS YOU ARE AT LEAST ON DISC 2.Everyone remember the dance party that you get for saving Princess Hilda? What if Kratos was recovered enough to attend... Well, this, according to me.

**Pairing: **KratosxRaine. Because I like that. And if I get some reviews I might turn this into a Kraine oneshot series. I've a couple more I can post up... But only if people read the story. No point otherwise.

**Disclaimer**: DarkToLight does not own Tales of Symphonia. If she did, you could have Kratos AND Zelos in your party at a point other than the Iselia Ranch raid.

Man, that raid was _fun_. Still, I felt a little sorry for my poor bishie Forcyustus...

Lyrics at the start and finish are from _Promenade_ by U2, hence the fic title. Uh, I don't own that either...

Also, I have taken a _few_ liberties with the design of the dance hall. It was slightly inspired by the layout of where I had my own prom. There was a nice patio there, too.

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_Kratos had always hated large gatherings, especially those hosted by the Chosen of Tethe'Alla_

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**Promenade**

_Oh, tell me, tell me you'll dance with me, turn me around tonight… Up through that spiral staircase, to the higher ground._

He wasn't entirely certain what had made him agree to attend the stupid function in the first place.

Kratos Aurion certainly felt rather foolish, in a room full of people that almost certainly were _not_ his son's friends, and only there because the Chosen was there. Zelos, in fact, was strangely absent… No, a glance up at the balcony showed him to be lounging about up there, staring most notably in the direction of Sheena, who had been provided with very little in the way of clothing for the event.

Kratos himself was in his Cruxis wear, thanking Kharlan that no-one associated it with that particular organisation. Lloyd had insisted that he came… Perhaps out of some sense of fear at a large gathering, or the need to have his father there, he wasn't certain… He doubted the latter, though. It made his heart heavy, but it was so unlikely to happen. After all, the boy had never called him father. Not once.

The Chosen smirked at him from the balcony, and he made an irritable noise and turned away, intending to head for the door before his son saw, but another intercepted him.

"Kratos?" It was Raine. "Where are you going? You came all the way out here for this and now you're leaving?" Kratos sighed irritably, jerking his arm out of her grip.

"I dislike large gatherings of people," he responded. "Especially large gatherings including _that_ Chosen." _That_ Chosen was, currently, talking to Lloyd. Lloyd, at least, fitted in with the crowd, although he didn't seem to like the formal wear very much. Kratos knew how he felt. "I am going for a walk." Raine gave him a strange look.

"I don't think Lloyd will appreciate that," she responded. "He was so desperate that you attend." Kratos made an absent noise.

"I doubt he wants me here that much. I've seen so little of his life it makes no difference." Raine winced at the bitterness in his voice.

"…Let me join you," she offered. "It's stuffy in here, anyway."

They walked out onto the patio at the back of the hall, Kratos for one relieved that they were out of the stuffy room. The night air was cold, but not bitter, and a few stray drops of rain were falling. Raine walked over to the railings and held out her hand, catching the drops in her hand.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She asked. Kratos walked over to join her, picking his way over the stones. The rain hit his skin, he was vaguely aware that it was by the wet spots gathering on his outfit… But he didn't feel it.

"Yes… It used to be," he agreed, holding out his own hand. "But I cannot feel it any more." Raine gave him a look that was… Pitying?

"Why did you not have a Rune Crest made?" She asked. Kratos made a slight noise and turned away. "Did Yggdrasill not let you?" Again, a slight noise. Looking uncomfortable, Raine slid her Exsphere out of its Key Crest, then took the latter off and walked over to Kratos. "Here," she whispered, opening the uniform enough to reveal the crystal and placing her Key Crest on top of it. "It won't hurt, for a little while, will it?" Kratos made a shocked noise. Yes, it was _cold._ But in a cool way. Yes, the breeze was blowing over the balcony, that he had seen playing with Raine's hair, he _felt_ it on his skin.

Yes, the rain was beautiful.

"Raine…" He murmured. "I can't…" Raine smiled slightly, transferring her Exsphere to a pocket.

"Just for one night," she murmured. Kratos blinked. Feel for one night? After four thousand years? Did he dare…? "Please?" She took his hand, he felt the warmth! She was there, in front of him, it was no dream… Perhaps, for one night, he could sleep?

"I shall try," he murmured, and she smiled at him. They stayed out there for a while, then went back inside, mostly so that Lloyd didn't question them.

The food had been cleared away, and music was playing softly in the background from a string quartet. Sheena was dancing with Lloyd to evade Zelos, who had clearly been looking for Raine. Kratos looked at the half-elf.

"Would you… honour me with a dance?" He asked, the words hard to say even fourteen years after the death of his wife. It was formality. It was no commitment…

"I would be delighted," Raine responded, taking his proffered hand and allowing him to lead her to the dance floor. He could feel her touch!

The members of the group stopped dancing more out of shock than anything else when they realise who, exactly, Raine was dancing with, and since the Chosen had stopped dancing, the guests stopped dancing too. Kratos was a little embarrassed at that, but Raine refused to let him off the floor, so they continued to dance. The quartet played on. He felt the rush of air past him as they circled, felt the droplets of rain fall from her hair to his face when he pulled her close, he felt the heat rise in his face when he felt Lloyd's eyes on him. Feeling! So much feeling, after so long, it was… It was bliss.

"Raine…" He murmured, but she shook her head and placed a finger on her lips. The quartet played a slow dance, and he slow danced with her. Close, closer than he felt comfortable with, but she guided him. He knew how to dance, he had been dancing for years, but she showed him how to _feel_ the dance. And feel it he did!

Once the dance was finished they broke apart, and he bowed to her.

"My thanks, my lady," he told her, a slight smile on his face, that made Raine smile too. He couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled. Perhaps at a young Lloyd…

They went back out onto the balcony again, this time with the rest of the group, and the rain was still steadily drizzling down. A light, cool rain on his face. Droplets that ran down his skin. So refreshing. They lit fireworks, and bright-coloured lights danced in the skies above their heads. He looked over at Raine.

"I do not know how to thank you for this…" he murmured. She smiled slightly.

"No thanks needed, Kratos," she responded. "I was just showing you that you can break free now. If you do not let yourself be ruled by him, you can feel again." Kratos took her hand, still mildly surprised at the warmth he felt when he did.

"Still," he murmured. "Thank you." She took a step closer as the fireworks above their heads lit the sky brilliant greens and blues, and, as red sunset hues exploded into stars in the sky, Kratos closed the distance between them with a brief kiss.

_And I, like a firework, explode, Roman candle, lightning, lights up the sky… I see you stare into space, have I got closer now, behind the face?_

_Fin_

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A/N: Did you like it? I've always liked the "he's like Colette" interperetation of Kratos as an angel, and I've inferred what I can from the game.

Hey, if he stays up on night watch all the time, when does he sleep? Conclusion: he doesn't.

Please R&R, I like to know what people think. Constructive criticism much appreciated. Tell me if you want more Kraine, heh.

Ciao!


	2. Electrical Storm

Hmm. Let me explain what I think about Kratos. My opinion is that his Cruxis Crystal has no Crest, so he cannot sleep or feel... however, because of the Key Crest on his Exsphere, he does taste, hence that skit you can get with Raine's cooking. It does influence the Cruxis Crystal a little. Yggdrasill didn't let him have a Rune Crest to make him easier to control... Easier to break I guess. The Key Crest _did_ work for Colette, but after a while she got the sickness, so Raine suggested just one night, to play it safe...

But I guess you can still think it's stupid, I don't mind really.

Hey, there's a response to the Lloyd and Regal skit about two Exspheres! Never thought of that. Makes mental note

**Disclaimer:** DarkToLight _still_ doesn't own ToS. She does, however, own an inappropriately large amount of ToS merchandise. Yeah, Namco got my money all right.

I've made a list of 100 words and intend to do a fic to each one. This one is #28 - Lightning, inspire by _Electrical Storm_ by... U2 again -- which I also don't own.

Feel free to review and suggest words, I can get the list up to 150 then :D I intend to update once a week... But that does depend on my school schedule. I'll try, though.

(N.B - the song they sing halfway through is part of a poem I wrote... I DO own that so please no stealing :D It's not the whole poem anyway. And it isn't meant to rhyme. It's meant to originally be in Elven, and _would_ rhyme in that language.)

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#28 - Lightning.

**Electrical Storm**

_You're in my mind, all of the time, I know that's not enough._

_But if the sky can crack, there must be some way back, to love and only love…_

Kratos was watching them. Them being the group including Lloyd. His son, if he had any right to call him that.

"Foolery…" He murmured as he watched them trudging slowly back from the Temple of Ice. "Utter foolery… Not that they will listen to me…" He turned away, looking up at the sky, at the twinkling stars. _Why should they even have to do this? What sort of twisted divine being would allow this to ever happen? To allow my son to suffer so much…?_

"Kratos?!" He turned in shock at Lloyd's voice, he didn't even register Lloyd's presence as a threat any longer. The group were stood there, looking on guard and somewhat threatening.

"Oh, Lloyd," he murmured, resigned to a rant.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded, looking as though he would rather _not_ fight if he could, but was ready to if he had to. Well, Kratos knew he wouldn't.

"I was just… Looking up at the stars…" He replied slowly. _And making sure you were all right._ Lloyd glared.

"Liar. What are you really doing?" He demanded. Kratos frowned, mildly irritated.

"Fine. I was tracking your movements to make sure you don't do anything dangerous to Cruxis. Happy now?" He asked. Lloyd winced, and he felt slightly bad for it, but the teen would refuse to believe him when he told the truth…

"I…" He murmured. "Why are you always following us?"

_I'm worried about you. You do such foolish things. _"You don't think you're allowed to run around unchecked, do you?" Lloyd glared.

"Why?" He asked. "Why do this?" Kratos fought the wince.

"Why?" He responded. _I didn't want you killed._ "I am a part of Cruxis." Lloyd sighed.

"But… I don't want you to be our enemy…" He murmured. Kratos looked away.

"I am. You must face that." _Else you will not be able to kill me, when the time comes…_

"Lloyd, come on," Raine insisted. "The longer we stay here quizzing him, the more at risk we are!" Lloyd sighed.

"…I still trust you," he murmured before they walked away.

_Don't, Lloyd. It'll only hurt you. That's all I can ever do._

Raine was stood on the balcony overlooking the town, thinking. She did that a lot, really. Thinking about what it had really meant.

She wasn't certain what had first drawn her to the cold mercenary. She had certainly never trusted him. He had seemed so cold and alone, and so sad… And also angry. Very angry, especially around Kvar.

Perhaps he had lost someone. He had never really told her. They had talked a little, about everything except themselves – about the journey, Colette's fate, about Lloyd and; especially in Kratos' case; about his swordsmanship. About how much better he could be. About how unlikely she had thought it was that he would reach Kratos' standard any time soon.

He had trained Lloyd. Taken care of Lloyd. Been almost like… A father to Lloyd. He had been kind to her, a friend to her. Been almost like a lover.

Been just like a lover, in fact.

She hadn't approached him, he hadn't approached her. It had just… Happened. She had told him to his face she didn't trust him even after that. He had shrugged, said it was probably for the best.

She put out a hand, watched the snow fall there and melt at the warmth. Was he warm? Or, as an angel, was he as numb as Colette had been? No… He had felt her there. But she had never actually seen him sleep.

Was it heat, though, or had he just felt that she was there? How numb could you be?

He had left her a letter, which she found after his betrayal, with only two words written there: I'm sorry.

Well, her distrust had been for the best.

_On rainy days, we'd go swimming out, on rainy days, swimming in the sound._

They were camped out in the fields somewhere close to the temple of Shadow, and it was raining. That was putting it lightly. The heavens had opened on top of them, as though an entire sea was being poured down on the land just for their benefit. The tents were doing very little, what with all the ground being sloped.

Kratos was sat on a nearby ledge, watching for enemies. Not his enemies, Lloyd's enemies. He knew that the group were vulnerable, and he was quite happy to sit out in the rain and watch out for them. He would not get sick, and he would not feel the cold. Perhaps his Angelic adaptations could be of some use to his son. Although he still knew he would never want Lloyd to bear that curse.

He made a slight noise when Raine walked out of her tent and had a look around, hoping she wouldn't spot him. That would only lead to troublesome questions as far as he was aware, along the lines of 'what are you doing here?', or 'why the hell are you stood out in the rain and not taking advantage of our vulnerability?'

Well, he would have done, had he been Mithos. But he was no Mithos. He could never hurt his son, never. Not any more… The first betrayal had cut him as deeply as it had cut Lloyd.

"Well, well. Hello, Mr. Aurion." Kratos softly cursed. In all his reminiscing, he had forgotten the reason it had started…

"Miss Sage," he replied, looking up at her. "Why are you out in the rain?" She gave him a droll look.

"I do believe that is my line," she replied, sitting by him, her hair was thoroughly soaked, although Kratos suspected that he looked worse. No matter, it wouldn't affect him.

"You will catch a chill," he murmured. "It isn't good for those who still feel it to be out in the rain…" He trailed off as Raine touched his hand lightly.

"There's a question I've been meaning to ask you for a long time," she told him. "It's simple enough to say, but I want a real answer, not one of the evading ones you always give Lloyd." Kratos flinched. "Why, Kratos?" He sighed.

"Why?" He repeated. "I… Cannot say, if it is the truth you want." Raine gave him a look. "I left because… Because…" He sighed and looked at the floor. "I was afraid of what would happen if I stayed…" _Afraid of what would happen to Lloyd… What actually occurred was bad enough!_ He dimly felt Raine's fingers move over his Exsphere.

"I don't understand," she admitted softly. "You were on our side… You cared so for Lloyd… To result in this?" Kratos sighed.

"In watching from a distance and wishing I could have betrayed Cruxis instead of you… That time will come," he whispered. "I am on your side… But please… Don't tell Lloyd." Raine kissed his cheek.

"Well, I still don't trust you," she informed him, a slight mischievous glint in her eyes. Kratos laughed softly under his breath.

"Maybe it's for the best," he replied, pulling her into a kiss.

_You're kept awake, dreaming someone else's dream…_

They'd gone back to Meltokio, the rain seeming to pour down without end. They had all agreed that it would be foolish to try and continue the journey whilst the weather stayed so rough, and Zelos had thrown in the option of staying at his 'place' – i.e., his mansion – and they had taken it. It wasn't like they could do much else.

Raine was watching Lloyd quiz Zelos endlessly about all the different things in his house – the piano, the picture, the presents. Raine noticed that he asked deep questions without even seeming to realise – Why don't you ever open the presents, Zelos? Why do you never play the piano? Do you blame your parents? Parents. Family was always such a deep topic for the teen. It meant a lot to him, probably because he had never truly had one. Kratos had acted a little like a father, if only for a time… But what father would hurt his son the way Kratos had hurt Lloyd?

She was sat on the balcony late that night when the sound of the piano floated up to her. The tune was sad, achingly so, but played with such passion… She walked halfway down the stairs to see Kratos sat there. She hadn't known he could play! Zelos himself was sleeping on one of the sofas a little way off – it was a wonder the swordsman didn't wake him.

"You play well," she murmured as she walked down, and he turned to look at her.

"I've had a long time to practise," he murmured. She sat by him on the stool.

"Do you sing?" She asked. He sighed and slowly shook his head.

"No much… Not any more," he responded. Raine smiled slightly.

"Let me, then," she offered in a whisper. Kratos allowed the smallest ghost of a smile to touch his face, and his hands went back to the keys, a hauntingly beautiful melody filling the room. A melody Raine knew, albeit a little altered. From her younger days. Days spent in Heimdall…

"_Why? Simple word. Softly spoken, often heard. I don't know why I can't answer all of your questions. questions you ask out of the blue. The hardest questions._" She was dimly aware that it rhymed in Elven, or, she supposed, Angelic. The languages were scarily similar. She heard Kratos sigh and modulate the music, a minor key ringing through the halls, and he started to sing.

"_Pull me in, over your soul, into the moonlight, I feel you, you move, in my soul, harmony, harmony, so sweet, so very, very sweet. Musical."_ His voice was deep and rich, and his eyes closed as he sang, his fingers still finding their places on the keys as though it were second nature. He sang in Angelic, his words as beautiful as his voice, and Raine leant against him. It was like when they had been on the Regeneration journey, when they would sit and talk under the stars, before she had known the truth, before things had got complicated. Before she had to wonder whether she was betraying Lloyd to love the angel who had deceived them all.

"_Top-to-toe, wet heather, out on the heath in the cold midnight weather, not words, they aren't needed, no speech, silently, silently, ask me why. Can we answer why tonight?"_ Raine sang, and Kratos smiled softly. Her words weren't in the right language, but she sang with feeling, and she knew the song. The melody moved in their hearts. And Kratos wondered if it was betrayal of Anna and Lloyd to love the half-elf.

"_If I pull myself back in, I can regain control. If I suppress my feelings, I can regain my soul. If I lose myself, though, it feels so much better. I said I couldn't see you again. Ask me why."_ A final arpeggio and the piano slowly died away, Kratos not daring to turn and meet her eyes. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't do anything you'll regret," she whispered to him, standing up and walking back up to her room.

Five minutes later, when he was sure she was asleep, the red-headed Chosen opened one eye and told Kratos bluntly that that was the 'most Goddess-damned beautiful song he'd ever heard'. Kratos had shrugged and left, telling Zelos that on no account was he to tell Lloyd.

_Two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed, and the day it is breaking…_

The group was staying overnight in Sybak, because the ever-friendly rain had come to visit them again. They had recently raided the Iselia Human Ranch, and the events that occurred after had left Raine feeling slightly numb.

She had watched Lloyd talk with Kratos. He had seemed so calm, but she knew that both the boy and the angel had hated it. He hadn't wanted to leave, Lloyd hadn't wanted him to leave, and all in all a lot of lying had gone on.

He'd helped them. Why? She wasn't certain. Yuan certainly had seemed to know why, but he hadn't said much. He seemed somewhat irked that Kratos had had an opportunity to lecture him about the Great Seed…

And the look on his face at the mention of Martel, when she had been screaming…

Still, Kratos had left. And so he should, he was part of Cruxis. But secretly, Raine had been hoping that that day would be the day that he rejoined them…

There was a tap on the window, and Raine looked up to see Kratos hovering outside the window, looking rather wet and also rather blue, due to the light from his wings. She opened the window, confused.

"I need to talk to you," he told her, climbing in through the window and hiding his wings. "About what you plan to do. About the Rune Crest." Raine was happy to sit and listen to Kratos tell her where to find it, how to find it. She wondered vaguely if Mithos was all right downstairs – Zelos had said some rather blunt things to her about the half-elf the other day.

"Is Lloyd ok?" Kratos asked suddenly. Raine nodded.

"Same as always," she responded. "Although he's a little jealous of Mithos, since he's been stealing all Genis'… What?" She trailed off, seeing the look on his face.

"Mithos?" Kratos repeated. _No, no, no._ "What does this… Mithos look like?" Raine frowned, confused at his distress.

"Taller than Genis but shorter than me, blonde, shoulder-length hair, blue eyes, half-elf. Why?" She responded. Kratos had frozen.

"No… he promised me he wouldn't…" The angel whispered. "And I can't…" Raine frowned a little more.

"What are you talking about?" She asked. Kratos shook his head quickly.

"It doesn't matter," he responded. "I'm just concerned for Lloyd… But, if you trust Mithos, I suppose… I, well…" Raine gave him a look.

"You're hardly one to talk," she pointed out. He sighed and hung his head.

"No, I… Suppose not," he responded. "Please take care of Lloyd for me." She laughed softly.

"I promised you I would before. I don't break my promises, Kratos…" She responded.

Kratos put off leaving until the dawn was breaking on the horizon.

_Compromise, that's nothing new to you…_

They were in Flanoir again, and Raine couldn't help but think that perhaps it should be raining. She wasn't certain whether she wanted to cry or not. _Lloyd's father!_ She had stayed because she had wanted to be with Lloyd, but Lloyd himself seemed a little… Numb. He smiled on the outside, and he was optimistic, but Mithos' betrayal and the truth about Kratos had hit him hard.

He had gone out into the snow on his own earlier, and now Raine had taken his place, out on the balcony, staring out into the snowstorm. Lloyd had come back with a calmer look on his face, and Raine wondered if he would be able to make peace with himself. He had seemed so sad when she had gone to see him that she had changed her mind about asking him to go out and see the snow.

"Raine…" She turned to see Kratos. "I see you are here, too…" He had a strange look in his eyes, one similar to that which Lloyd had been wearing, as though a weight had been lifted from his heart. "I'm… Sorry that I lied to you."

"Some lies were necessary," she responded, walking over to him. "I don't understand how you could have betrayed us so when Lloyd was… But…" She sighed and shook her head. "You are on our side, are you not?" Kratos nodded.

"Until death," he responded. "And we shall see what comes of it. You need Origin." Raine made a frustrated noise.

"Is there no way to release Origin without killing you?" She asked. Kratos shook his head silently. "None?"

"None that I know of," he responded. "I will do what I can for you when you leave for the Tower, but there is only so much that is in my power to do…" Raine nodded, touching his arm.

"I forgive you," she told him. Kratos sighed softly. "We can use what little time we have… If I can replace Lloyd's mother…"

"She is gone… I laid her to rest," he whispered. "I don't know if Lloyd will forgive me, but time… We shall see."

Raine taught Kratos about snowflakes.

_We need the rain to wash away our bad luck._

The rain beat down around them as they stood outside the ruins of the Tower of Salvation for one final time. The sky was rent in two as lightning split it, and Lloyd, with his new white wings, landed with the Great Seed. Raine was stood back, watching. She was not one of the angels, she never had been and never would be. One of the less angelic half. She saw Kratos off in the distance – Kratos, her saviour, her real angel, one of few humans who truly understood – looking at the sky with a torn look on his face. She saw the tree rise up from the ground over where Lloyd was stood – not her business, really, it was Lloyd's tree. They'd done what they had set out to do, and she had protected him just as she had promised.

Lloyd walked away and went over to Kratos, Raine starting towards him but Zelos' hand on her arm preventing her. Lightning split the sky once more. She couldn't help but feel that the sky could have sung a better serenade for their victory… But then, rain had been their constant companion during the journey. Why should it stop now?

She cried out with a start when she saw Lloyd raise the Eternal Sword, saw at last what Kratos intended to do. _Leave._ How could he? How could he leave her alone like that? She saw the sadness in his face, the tears forming in his eyes, as he rose up into the sky slightly, wings effervescent at his back, and, with another touch from Zelos, she stepped back once more. _It's his choice._ What right did she have to stop him?

Lloyd walked back, a troubled look full of loss on his face, and Raine shared his pain, albeit differently, and she whispered the words she had never actually said to his face.

"_I trust you, Kratos._"

Trusted him to know what he was doing, to have a better life on that barren world than the one he had chosen to leave behind.

Raine turned away from the ruins of the Tower and walked away, never looking back.

She had more than one of Kratos' children to look after.

_Baby, don't cry…_

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A/N - So... What do you think? Quite a long one imo. And I don't think one of my friends has picked up on what the last proper line means yet XD Review with your word suggestions people! Reviews make me write faster! And help to distract me from schoolwork XD


	3. Deep In The Heart

**Hello! Me again! **I'm going on a school music tour to Belgium next week, so the update may be a little late, but I shall do my best!

**Disclaimer: **As before, Tales of Symphonia is still sadly out of my reach. However, once my raid has been carried out and I have the documents... Er, I mean, and I shall never own it. Ahem. Nor the song, which is "Deep in the Heart" by U2. I will write a fic without lyrics in it one day, I swear.

This one's a bit strange, I have to say. But I'm always happy to oblige when people ask me to write more Reviews keep me writing people.

#75, Desire. Although actually it's based around denying said desire... Well, I hope you all like it, at least. Mentions of past Kranna in this one as well.

**Deep in the Heart**

_Angel, everything's gonna be all right, Angel, everything's gonna work out tonight…_

Kratos Aurion was on night watch. He was always on night watch, as a matter of fact. He always offered, and he always stayed up all night. He was wondering absently why the others didn't wonder when he slept.

They were staying in an Inn in Asgard, so by rights they didn't exactly need a night watch, but Kratos needed something to do with his night times. Once he was certain Lloyd was in a deep sleep – which wasn't hard to tell, really, the teen had a tendency to talk in his sleep – he would sneak out and sit on the steps outside the Inn, or wherever was convenient, and watch.

He wasn't watching for anything in particular. Half the time he would sit and look at the stars. Counting stars passed the time for those who couldn't sleep. Kratos was on his third count, currently at 1045…

"Mr. Aurion, don't you think you should be asleep?" Kratos started at the sound and turned around, putting out a hand to steady himself. He was sitting on one of the broken rock arches that jutted out from various points in Asgard.

"Raine…" He murmured, standing up. "I… Couldn't sleep…" The excuse was lame, even_ Colette _had realised it was lame when she had used it on Lloyd, but it would have to do. What other explanation could he give? 'I'm sitting out here because I haven't slept for four thousand years and need something to do with my time' wouldn't really go down well with the elf, who didn't trust him as it was.

"Is that so?" Raine responded as he walked over to her across the arch. "Do you really think such daredevil antics will help matters?"

"I was counting stars…" Ha, as if it would have mattered if he'd fallen. He could have flown to the ground, so long as no-one was looking. Raine gave him a stern look.

"Back in the Inn, now," she ordered, as though she were dealing with a child. Kratos bristled slightly. Even after lying slightly about his age… Lying a lot about his age… He was still the senior of the two. By his lie, there were four years between them. By the truth… Four thousand and four. What a pleasant little palindrome. He jerked away as she touched his arm as though to lead him back.

"Don't," he muttered stiffly. Not only did he dislike being led, but that was exactly the way Anna had touched him… He shook his head mentally to clear the images from his mind. _Don't think about her._

"Stop being such a child," Raine chastised. Kratos grimaced. If only she knew.

"Stop trying to lead me about like one, then," he muttered huffily. "I know what I am doing. Leave me be." Raine frowned.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were acting like Colette," she decided. Kratos resisted the urge to tell her that she really _didn't_ know better, as it would not under any circumstances get him in her good books.

Not that he really cared whether he was in her good books or not…

"I am most certainly not acting like Colette," Kratos denied viciously, looking affronted. Well, he was. He most certainly was _not_ some pansy of a Chosen who believed in love and peace and that her sacrifice would make everything all right again. Well, it _would_ make everything all right again… For Sylvarant. And even then, if she was a good enough Mana match to Martel, not even Sylvarant would be doing very well…

"Then grow up and get the right amount of sleep for once," Raine snapped. "If you do badly, Lloyd will worry, and then Lloyd will do badly, and then Genis and Colette will worry…" It really was quite a vicious cycle, apparently.

"Lloyd shouldn't worry about me. I can handle myself," Kratos snapped, hiding his guilt expertly. Yes, Lloyd did worry… And he would hurt when Kratos betrayed him. He marvelled at how callous he had become… Cold enough to betray his own son for Mithos.

But then, Mithos didn't know exactly _why_ he was betraying his son…

Raine looked up at the sky suddenly, and eventually Kratos realised that it had started to rain. But for him, it was the sound of the raindrops that alerted him rather than the drops landing on his skin, because, of course, he no longer felt those…

A perfect angel. Almost.

"We should go inside," Raine murmured. "Unless you want to continue being a pouty teenager in the rain." Kratos practically beat her inside.

_The scent of cedar, I can still see her, you can't return to the place you never left…_

He brushed off the look Raine gave him as he volunteered to be night watch the next night. They were out in the woods, having not walked fast enough to reach the House of Salvation… Kratos hated the places anyway. Salvation was such a lie. And they believed so easily! He wondered how Mithos had managed to make such fools out of his race.

He was sat with Noishe, and it was about midnight before Raine came to sit with him.

"Make sure you get some sleep tonight," she told him. He gave her a long look.

"And you," he responded. "I'm not the only one who stays up too late." Raine laughed, and moved as if to touch him, then stopped herself. Kratos felt his pulse quicken slightly. Anna… Anna used to do that, before they had admitted their love… No! No, he was _not_ falling in love with Raine! And she most certainly did not love him! _I can't betray Anna's memory like that…_

There were a few moments of awkward silence, then Raine eventually left. Kratos was left to deal with his memories, which seemed unwilling to leave him alone. It was like having a waking dream… He leant back against a tree, willing his past to stop bugging him and just stay in his memories. He remembered the flow of her hair, the feel of her breath on his neck, the sweet taste of her kiss…

He wasn't certain when the thoughts of Anna turned into thoughts of Raine, but he sat forwards and swore when he realised. That was a rare event, Kratos swearing, but he felt it was worth it. He had _not_ fallen in love with Raine, he hadn't, he hadn't…

He tried very hard to stop himself looking over at her, and failed miserably.

All right, perhaps he had fallen a _little_ in love with her, but not much. And he certainly wasn't going to do anything about it. Nothing at all. Because he didn't need her, and he couldn't betray Anna that way…

Anna's memory. Anna was dead, he had killed her… And he wondered, suddenly, if he was more afraid to betray her memory, or if he would hurt Raine the same way.

_Green as the leaves, and the cure of the meadow stain…_

They camped out in the middle of a field the next night, on their way to Luin. The sight of the city in the distance was sending waves of worry through Kratos… Anna's town. Why would her memories not leave him alone? He had one hand on the locket, looking out into the distance, his heart full of confusion. What was right and what was wrong? He _didn't _love Raine, he _didn't love her…_

"Kratos?" Her again.

_Go away go away go away._ "Ah… Miss Sage. What is wrong?" Oh Kharlan, she'd see straight through that, he _never_ called her 'Miss Sage'…

"Something's up with you. I came to find out what it was," she responded levelly, sitting by him. So close… He fought the quickening of his pulse. No, he most certainly did _not_ love her…

"I'm… I'm fine," he responded, in what he hoped was a level voice. Mentally he was cursing himself and his lack of control.

"You don't sound it, and you certainly don't look it." Kratos fought back panic. No, he did _not_ love her, Kharlan damn it all! He wondered what had given him away.

"Honestly. I am fine," he responded. Raine touched his arm, and it sent a shiver down his spine. _Damn. Damn, damn, damn._ Raine had an amused look in her eyes.

"Are you sure?" She responded. "You've been acting strange for these past few days… I thought that perhaps you were coming down with a fever…" Kratos fought back a bitter laugh.

"I don't get sick," he responded. It was true. Angels didn't catch illnesses, much like they didn't sleep, or feel… Raine sighed.

"Well, something is up," she responded. "I was just hoping you were going to tell me what…" He had to pull away when she moved her hand.

_I don't love her, I don't love her, I do NOT love her…_

"Kratos?" She murmured. There was confusion, and also a little hurt in her voice. "Are you…" He turned to face her, saw her eyes looking at him with hidden emotion.

"I… There's nothing wrong with me…" He murmured. "I just…" He did _not_ love her, no he most certainly did not, and the kiss that he pulled the surprised elf into was most certainly platonic, nothing of love in it at all…

And the way they both ended up on the floor, Raine tugging at his cape, was completely simply friendship…

And how well he got to know her wasn't love at all…

And there was no intimacy in the way he ran his hands through her hair…

_Door is closed behind me now, the window is sealed to shut out the light…_

Of course he didn't love her… He drew his sword with a determined look on his face. Lloyd was shouting at him about betrayal – why shouldn't he? That was exactly what it was…

They had only been acquaintances. Of course, he told himself, as he missed openings that Lloyd left and let her heal the teen.

There had been no affection. How could there have been? And he let Lloyd beat him back, aim his swords with shaking hands at his chest.

He hadn't been devoted to her. There was no way. He saw her silently mouth one word, 'why?'

Why indeed?

There had been no love in it at all. No love in the way he had held her. No love in the way he had whispered shaky words in her ear. Yggdrasill told them who he was.

She had never captivated him. Of course not. He had been held by her eyes as she whispered back… Lloyd was flung against a pillar and all of them cried out in distress.

There had been no passion. He had kissed her desperately and moaned her name softly. He made a torn noise as Yggdrasill raised the Eternal Sword.

He hadn't adored her and needed her so badly it tore him in two when she wasn't around. He had run his hands down her soft skin… He moved as though to block the sword as the Renegades arrived.

She hadn't enchanted him, of course not. He watched with pain in his eyes as she and the others left, left with his son, all he had left of Anna… Whom he had killed. He had nearly killed Raine. What sort of man was he?

He whispered her name softly as he warped up to Derris-Kharlan, giving in to the rapture, wondering if he would ever see that passion in her eyes again, or even if he deserved it.

He loved her so much.

_Do your work, and it'll work out right, deep in the heart, deep in the heart of this place…_

Fin

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**A/N:** I quite like that one, actually. #32, Quiz, is currently in the works, but it's looking rather long so I may make it a two-shot.

I also have a story based around an altered game storyline, which mostly involves Forcystus switching sides... Well, it's hard to describe. If anyone wants me to I might put a chapter up, you can see if you like it.

Tell me what you think! Click that little button by the review option, and I'll give you a cookie! My three reviewers get a cookie! That's Haku (Shortened due to memory), Ficlover and Penamesolen, even if the latter didn't like it. Imagine the cookie, it's right there ;)


	4. Knowing When to Give In

Number 32 – Quiz

Firstly, an apology from me, as I have been very lax update-wise. But before you burn me at the stake, listen to my excuses! 1.Belgium holdiay, yes, I know it was only 5 days. 2.Coursework overload. I have my AS exams soon, and all my subjects left the coursework until now, it seems. 3.My dad's in hospital. So yeah. Lack of update.

I will improve, I promise!

**Disclaimer**: As said before, DarkToLight STILL does not own ToS. (Or any fire emblems, perhaps some oneshots for that coming soon?) She wants to, though. Yes yes please. Although the character "Zenelle" who gets a passing mention IS mine.

Thank you so much to all my reviewers! Knowing that I'm appreciated keeps me writing through work and hard times, you know!

Exam leave coming soon, in which I will most certainly NOT be revising, so I should at least update then.

I hate the way this ends. It's AU. Fun times mixing goodies and baddies.

**

* * *

****Number 32 – Quiz**

Raine sighed and buried her head in her arms, resisting the urge to slam a hand into the desk in frustration. Her day had so far not been good. At _all_. Not only had her computer decided to pack in half way through the day – and IT had been as useless as always, not arriving for an hour and a half so her entire schedule was thrown off – but she had had to forgo her lunch break to sort out a problem her younger brother was having at his school. It had taken 45 minutes to sort out, leaving her no time to go and buy lunch. It _would_ be the one day she hadn't brought anything in.

"Ah… Are you all right?" She cursed mentally at the sound of a voice.

"Just leave me alone," she murmured. "I've had a bad day." The stranger at the door made an uncomfortable noise, and Raine looked up to see the newest member of the Publicity sector, a man with rust-red eyes and hair to match. From what she'd overheard he'd only recently moved into the city.

"I'll… Leave you be, then," he told her graciously. "Forgive me for intruding." He left swiftly, leaving Raine feeling rather bad.

"You… Weren't intruding… Damn, he's gone…" She told the empty air, then turned back to her recently fixed computer to try and overcome her frustration.

It was a tactic that was doomed to fail.

Kratos continued his walk back to his office feeling rather bad. He'd been concerned for the lady – she hadn't looked well – but he only seemed to have made her day worse. He seemed to have a knack for it.

He'd moved to the city a few months ago, trying to start a new life with his son after the death of his wife, Anna. She'd been in a car accident – her friend Kvar had been driving under the influence of some horrible substance and she was a passenger – and her wounds had been so severe that the doctors had told him that it was unlikely she'd be able to do much more than breathe and sleep if they could even wake her from her coma. In the end, he'd made the decision to turn off her life support… And he still blamed himself for it, especially on those rare occasions where his five-year-old Lloyd would ask, perfectly innocently, 'daddy, why did mommy leave?'

Why had he given up on her?

He'd got Lloyd enrolled in the local primary school and found himself the job he was currently trying to settle into, but he still felt somewhat detached from the rest of the city. He didn't feel like he belonged. Meltokio was a big city, and he was one small person.

The pair met again on their way out, courtesy of Raine tripping over an uncovered wire and dropping the rather large pile of things she had been attempting to carry.

"Careful!" Kratos exclaimed, moving as if to catch her, but she caught herself on the nearest post. "Here, let me help…"

"I can manage," Raine told him curtly, starting to gather her things up again. Kratos sighed.

"Are you sure you don't need my assistance? You have rather a lot to carry and I would be more than happy to oblige…" Raine ignored him, simply heading for the door, which he held open for her despite that.

"I don't need your help," she told him stiffly as she exited, going to find her car. Kratos sighed and let the door close.

"Very well…" He murmured, wondering why he didn't seem to be able to get anything right in that place.

Kratos was accosted by another member of his department, the enthusiastic co-manager who went by the name of Forcystus, and encouraged to go along to the monthly inter-department quiz. Kratos refused. He wasn't certain he could take the embarrassment.

"Oh, come on!" Forcystus pressured. "_Everyone_ goes. Word says you're pretty world-savvy, and we really do need to win for once. The R&D department always wins. They've got Raine, you see, and she's a real brain box." Kratos sighed.

"I really don't think I will be of any use…" He murmured, but Forcystus shook his head.

"Please, just come along! I'm not kidding, you _will_ be the only person not going if you refuse. Oh, apart from Rodyle, but he never comes to these things. He's a right recluse." Kratos gave in, the pressure of Forcystus' enthusiasm too much to fight off.

"All right, all right! I'll go," he responded. "When is it?" Forcystus grinned.

"That's more like it!" He responded. "It's Friday night, 8pm start. Held down at the Kharlan pub. You'd better turn up, or I promise you I will never let you hear the end of it. Have a nice week!" Kratos nodded wearily as Forcystus left, whistling a tune to himself.

_He has far too much enthusiasm for one man…_

Whilst walking to the canteen that lunchtime, he found the office flirt – Zelos, from finance – harassing the woman he'd met the other day. He realised as he walked up that he still didn't actually know her name.

"Hey… Leave the lady alone," he told the irritating flirt, who was lounged against the wall and almost – but not quite – pinning Raine in place. She was looking rather uncomfortable.

"Oh, hey, newbie," said flirt greeted lazily. "We were just talking, weren't we, hunny?"

"Just leave me alone," Raine replied, her grip on her folder tightening slightly. Kratos frowned.

"You heard the lady," he responded. "Get going." Zelos gave him a long look.

"You don't have a chance, mate," he told him levelly, turning and walking off before someone else reported him for harassment. A man can only charm his way out of so many lawsuits. Raine gave him a glance before turning to go.

"Wait!" He called, and she paused and turned.

"Fine. Thank you for saving me," she told him sarcastically. "But I was coping just fine. Good day." Kratos watched her walk away, speechless.

"Ah… Are you all right?" He murmured at the empty space once she was well out of hearing distance.

"Daddy, I don' _want_ a babysitter. 'm _not_ a baby," Lloyd complained as Kratos unwillingly prepared to leave for the quiz, fearing the wrath of a disappointed Forcystus. He sighed.

"Lloyd, you aren't old enough to stay in the house on your own yet," he chastised. Lloyd pouted.

"'m _five_," he protested. "'m big." Kratos sighed.

"Perhaps if the word 'I' entered your vocabulary I would consider it," he responded. Lloyd looked bemused.

"Vokkablery?" He repeated. Kratos rolled his eyes and ruffled his son's hair.

"Be a good boy for the babysitter, now," he cautioned. "I don't want to come home to a wrecked house!" Lloyd gave him an innocent grin.

"Was Noishe last time," he lied, indicating the Alsatian sleeping on the sofa.

"Of course," Kratos agreed with a chuckle. "I'll be back later, don't worry." He waited another two minutes for the babysitter to arrive, quickly briefed her on which foods were _not_ to be given to his son _or_ the dog, then got into his car and drove off.

He noticed the ungrateful 'damsel' when he arrived, sat with a few of the other women from her department, and resolved to avoid her if he wanted to still have his head by the end of the evening. She seemed to have some sort of hatred for him, although he wasn't certain how it had developed. It was his luck, though. The only woman who had ever liked him and he had destroyed even that…

He shook his head. He shouldn't dwell in the past.

"You made it!" Forcystus enthused as he walked up.

"…On threat of never being allowed to live it down," he responded, throwing his coat over the back of his chair and sitting down. "I'm not coming again." Forcystus gave him a look.

"We'll see about that," he decided. "Make yourself comfortable. Drinks are on Remiel. It's a long story, involving a bet, a lot of canteen food, and the boss." Kratos decided it would be better _not_ to pry. Stories involving 'the boss' – who was so tyrannical he was given the nickname 'Lord Yggdrasill' by most workers – were _not_ inclined to be good.

"Just get me an orange juice, then," he murmured, feeling obliged to buy something by the look on Forcystus' face but not wanting anything strong.

"No alcohol?" He remarked. Kratos shook his head.

"I… Don't drink," he responded, thinking of his wife. _If that foolish friend of hers hadn't she'd still be here…_ Forcystus bit his lip.

"I… Won't ask," he decided, turning and yelling in a rather gleeful voice at Remiel that the blonde had another drink to buy. Kratos earned a glare.

"All right guys, settle down!" The voice of the quizmaster, who was a blonde from Advertising that he didn't know, but Forcystus informed him was called Colette, called. "I'm getting Seles to hand out the answer sheets. No defacing them! And yes, Mr. Wilder, I _am_ looking at you!" Zelos feigned hurt dramatically, and Kratos made a derisive noise and ignored him. The flirt seriously got on his nerves.

The first round was music, which Kratos wasn't exactly an expert on, but an overenthusiastic girl who was apparently called Zenelle was providing all the answers from her place on Remiel's arm. She reminded Kratos slightly of Forcystus.

The second round was general knowledge, something that Kratos happened to be good at. He noticed that the woman he often ran into was answering a good deal of the questions, and that sparked off his competitive side, so he corrected the wrong answers they'd already put down and started to take an active interest in the round. Forcystus gave him an encouraging grin, which _nearly_ put him off, but he carried on despite that.

"Question 25! In what year did the war commonly known as the 'Kharlan War' actually start?" Kratos watched the head of the team – not Forcystus, the pen had been confiscated from _him_ about two minutes in – start to write down an answer, but Kratos shook his head.

"No. two years before," he disagreed. "The war officially began when a small military group from Palmacosta state attacked Heimdall in Western Tethe'alla. The team leader gave him a dubious look, but shrugged and wrote it down anyway.

"If we get it wrong, I'm blaming you," he warned him. Kratos didn't mind. He knew he was right, anyway, he'd studied a lot of history during his school years.

The third round was current affairs, something Kratos was most definitely _not_ up to date with, so he let Forcystus take the lead in that round. It seemed that his enthusiasm also extended to the news, and he knew a lot of what went on. Well, at least, he gave the _impression_ that he did. For all Kratos knew he could have been making the answers up in a confident voice.

Seles was sent to collect up all the answer sheets once the last round was over, and Forcystus tried to encourage Kratos to have another drink, but he shook his head. He wasn't certain how much more of the co-manager he could face that evening. His personality was starting to grate.

He heard the sound of someone being smacked and didn't have to turn to know that the person on the receiving end was Zelos, but a quick glance behind informed him that it was a raven-haired girl from his department whom he'd got on the wrong end of.

"That's Sheena," Forcystus informed him as they waited for the results to be given out. "He's always hitting on her. He loves her really… Although, he does say that about a lot of women…" Kratos made an irritated noise.

"I hate men like that," he murmured. "They have no respect." Forcystus shrugged and yelled at Remiel to hurry up. The look on Remiel's face could have melted stone, and didn't bode well for poor Forcystus at some point in the near future.

"Ok, people, settle down!" Colette called. "I have the results!" An almost-hush fell over the tables. "In last place, with a rather unimpressive 45… Finance, of course." Zelos flashed Colette a flirty grin from that table, earning himself a glare. "In fourth, with a fairly good 53, is Customer Services." That table made surprised noises, and one pair high-fived each other. "In third place, with 60, is IT. Well done, guys." There was a smatter of cheering.

"We're next," Forcystus told him with a slight smile. Kratos frowned slightly. "It's the same every month. Finance come last because Colette and Seles hate Zelos – who is Seles' brother by the way, can you tell? IT and CS swap around, then it's us, and then R&D. never changes." Kratos raised his eyebrows.

"How pessimistic," he remarked.

"Second and First place were very close this month, guys!" Colette told them all. "And with surprising results! In second place, with 69 out of 70, is…" She paused for effect, but someone shouted 'get on with it!' from the back, thus ruining the effect. Colette glared. "Ahem… In second place, is… R&D!" There were several shocked gasps.

"No way," Forcystus remarked. "Maybe she miscounted." Colette smiled.

"Which means that Publicity are the winners, with 70 out of 70, for the first time in two years! Well done, guys!"

"Yes!" Remiel exclaimed, high-fiving Zenelle. Kratos raised his eyebrows.

"Which question did R&D get wrong?" He called to Colette, who frowned and glanced at the papers.

"Um… The year the Kharlan war began," she responded.

"Kratos, you won us the quiz!" Forcystus exclaimed. "You rock!" Kratos cleared his throat, embarrassed.

"Yes, well…" He started. Remiel clapped him on the back.

"Well done, man!" He congratulated. "I'll _willingly_ buy you a drink now!" Kratos shook his head.

"No, I left my son alone in the house with my dog and only one babysitter, I really must get back…" He protested. "Otherwise I may not have a house to go back to…" Forcystus grinned at him.

"Well, any time you're free, you're welcome to join us on a night out," he offered. "Heck, you can bring your son if you have to!" Kratos shook his head, a slight smile on his face.

"I dread to think what he'd do in the presence of drink," he responded, grabbing up his coat and exiting the pub.

"Wait!" Kratos suppressed a groan at the sound of the woman's voice. What was she going to chastise him about _now_…?

"Yes?" He asked, wondering mildly how he had still failed to learn her name.

"What year was it?" She asked, throwing him momentarily.

"Ah… Oh, the war?" He responded. "Everyone always gets it two years too late. The war officially began when members of the Palmacosta state army invaded Heimdall." Raine nodded slowly.

"No wonder…" She murmured. "Next time, I won't lose… My team won't lose!" Kratos nodded amicably.

"I won't be going next time," he responded, starting to walk off again, but she grabbed his arm.

"I'm Raine. Raine Sage," she told him. "I… Suppose I've seemed a bit rude over the week… Um… I'm sorry. I've just had a stressful few days. My brother's having problems at his school, that's all." Kratos nodded. Lloyd never seemed to be bothered by school, but he himself had had a few problems in the past.

"That is quite all right, Miss Sage," he replied graciously. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must get home to my son…"

"You have a son?" Raine repeated. "I never knew. You're married?" Kratos bit his lip.

"I… Was," he responded, turning away. "She… Died. If you'll excuse me…"

"Please, wait," Raine murured, not letting go of his arm. Kratos looked at it with a slightly perplexed expression on his face. "Maybe we could meet up sometimes? Just to, you know... Talk? I get the feeling I've made the wrong impression... I'd like to try and put that right." Kratos smiled slightly.

"I have little free time, but... We shall see," he agreed. "Sometime we are both free." Raine grinned.

"It's a date," she replied. It wasn't like her, but hey, sometimes you needed to change a little.

Kratos smiled, thinking that perhaps the night hadn't been _quite_ as bad as he had expected it to be.

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**A/N** - Bah, that ended badly but it was getting too long and I haven't time... I'll try and update next week, sorry for the wait!

"


	5. The Hardest Thing To Do

I'm aliiiiiiiiive, I promise! Actually writing, too... Exam season has begun, so we'll see what we can do, but fortnightly updates seem likely. Had my first exam today, what fun that was... I hate microscopes

This is #87, Overgrown, although... It seemed to deviate from the word and became very angsty... It got rather out of hand. Stories do that to me occasionally, the fickle things!

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately my attempts to acquire ToS have failed... Soon though... Soon!

A big thanks to all my reviewers, I love you all! It's nice to know you like it And no AU in this one!

**The Hardest Thing To Do**

It had never really surprised him that she didn't trust him. In fact, he had never really set out with the intent of being trusted, although the Chosen would have trusted a Desian with a sword aimed at her if he'd told her that she should. No, he had never really lied to them and told them that he was fine to trust, just fine. He held his secrets close to his heart and let nothing out, and, of course, she'd thought it suspicious.

One of them – he could never remember which – had commented on his anger at Kvar, sounding surprised that he even showed emotion. He'd shouted back, of course, denying the anger as inside he seethed. The scum. The scum that dared to touch his son. His _son_.

He held his secrets close to his heart, indeed.

He had never told anyone he was to be trusted, not even Yggdrasill, Mithos. Not even Yuan. Yuan didn't think he was to be trusted. Kratos knew that Yuan wasn't to be trusted himself, but, despite the multiple assassination attempts that he had pretended to miss his assailant's torn face and blue hair on, he stayed silent, not telling Yggdrasill that Cruxis was being eaten from the inside.

He held his secrets so close, sometimes even he didn't remember he held them.

She hadn't acted surprised when he had drawn his blade at the Tower instead of helping them. No, there was a torn, sad look in her eyes, but not _surprise_. She liked to think she had it all worked out. That she could decipher anything. She had suspected, yes, but he knew she had also hoped.

So had he.

He held his sword above Lloyd, who was on his knees, panting, wounded, both inside and out, and his swordhand shook. How could he? How _could_ he? Even for his lies to Yggdrasill, even to keep up appearances, even for the sake of his little boy… Never could he strike that blow. The surprise had still been so absent from her face. She knew _something_, he wasn't certain what it was, but it was there. Something.

"_It's nice that you're acting like such a fatherly figure to Lloyd. He needs someone t help him along. Sort him out."_

"_Hmph…"_

"_Someone to guide him. He's had Dirk, but he's still been… Alone, all his life." Silence, no words from the cold-eyed mercenary. "That's why he cares so much about everything… About family. He doesn't one anyone else to be like him."_

Kratos knew she had seen the single tear slide down his cheek.

Crying! An angel, reduced to tears. He sat in Gaorrachia, in the tangled underwood, the festering blackness, in what had used to be a field of flowers, flowers that he and Martel had searched for in that wood, long ago, a field that they had talked in, and he had said yes, I will take care of your brother…

Her brother had made that field one of the first things on his list of things to be destroyed.

Would they come, he wondered, would they worry to find him sat there? Would Lloyd draw his swords? Would she… Say something…?

It did ache that he had left without an apology, without saying goodbye, but he knew that they couldn't understand. For what he was trying to do, no-one could understand. That was all.

How many more people would he fail? Martel he had failed, and Mithos with it, as he was unable to save the child from the madness that slowly overtook him. That child who was still, inside, a child. None of them had changed. In four thousand years, none of them had changed, although perhaps he had become a little more jaded and defeatist along the long, lonely road.

He had failed Anna. Oh, how he had failed her! That woman, his love, whom he had killed… He could stil feel her blood on his skin, feel how the liquid ran down his body, feeling oh so very human and wishing, wishing so that he was just _numb_ again…

He had made himself grow cold, and built a wall around his heart.

Now he failed his son. All that mattered… All he had loved… And he had held a sword against them both. But he would not feel Lloyd's blood on his skin. He would _not_ see his child's life slowly fade from his eyes.

When he was ready, Lloyd would see that in his father, although Kratos prayed he would never know _that_ secret.

He had failed her, too. She… Always she. He never dared to think her name. He didn't want his wall to fall down any further. His heart had beat a little faster at the mention of her name, a little heat at the sound of her voice, she made him human!

Raine… Like falling tears from a broken sky… Raine…

Would she love him back? No… Unlikely. He'd torn them all at his betrayal. Not even his carefully laid plans would heal the wounds in his heart, and besides, he was destined to die for them.

Destiny…

That look that Origin had regarded him with as he stood in the forest with a then-pure Mithos, as he agreed to something that could have taken his life, was broken too, with Mithos. But then, Kratos had been broken all along. After four thousand years… The cracks weren't too hard to see. So he hid them, behind his wall of half-truths and betrayal, behind that wall around his heart, the defences that she had begun to break without even knowing she had.

Like soft droplets of water on his skin… Things that he grabbed onto and never relinquished, desperate despite his coldness to just feel _something_, anything, again, something to mask the hurt, something to make him feel _human_.

But humans were fragile, weak, humans oh so easily made mistakes.

He lay on his knees in the Torent Forest before his son, their positions reversed since the first time they had fought. How strong he was. Now his swordhand was shaking again, but because he was too weak to hold it, now…

"Aren't you… G-going to finish me?" He choked out, desperate to get away. Even if it meant he would never see her again… At least he would be free.

Later on, Lloyd told him that there was no point in dying, and he agreed. There was no point in dying when you still held such secrets.

_Somewhere…_

She watched herself move her hand without the intent of moving her hand. Strange to see. Even stranger to feel that crystal just above her collarbone, and the voice of Mithos inside her head. Laughing, mocking, and angry… But so very corrupted for a child.

He had talked with her little brother and been so calm, how could he now be like this?

Kratos… He had been on their side. He had always been on their side. She had never trusted him though, not at all.

She wondered idly if he would come with them.

He'd been with them for the entire Journey of Regeneration. He'd stuck by them, supported them, helped Colette through her Angel Toxicosis like only someone who had seen it so many times and perhaps even suffered it too could, had guided them even when he was an enemy to try and save her, save themselves, save the world…

Was it right for her to still harbour a little hatred in her heart for him after all of that?

Perhaps not hatred, as such. No… More like… Well, she didn't know. She, the scholar, who _always _knew, she didn't know what it was. And she was supposed to be a teacher.

She felt herself walking.

Mithos was frustrated, she knew that much. At what… Well, she wasn't certain. He often ranted about his sister and how much he hated the world, and to be honest Raine was fed up of hearing the same old mantra over and over. They don't deserve the chance I gave them. They even changed my sister. What folly! He couldn't even see that Lloyd was trying to save him…

Even his own friends had betrayed him, even Kratos and Yuan. Didn't that give him any clue as to how twisted and wrong his plans had been? No… He was blind now. Blind to everything. So many long years of hatred…

How else would Racism tear the world in two? Raine had never thought that it would have so literal a consequence, but it did so in many, many ways…

Kratos had known from the start, and had always accepted her for what she was. She'd known that. She'd always found that strangely reassuring, and now she knew where Lloyd got his caring, accepting side from. _"You're you. It doesn't matter who your parents were…"_

Maybe, many years ago, Kratos had been the same idealist as Lloyd. Maybe not so gentle… But just as caring, inside.

She knew it was only the long years of pain, betrayal and loneliness that made him so cold.

She fell against him as she regained control of her body, and he supported her with a gentleness that belied his cold exterior. His eyes held such pain in them, but Raine had to brush it aside. They had a job to do. They had a world to save. The tiredness in Kratos' eyes… It could wait. The uncertainty in her heart… It could wait. It had to wait.

There was pain in the lonely mercenary's eyes as he watched his son – the angel – and Colette slowly float down to greet Martel. Raine could see it. She could see how much he hurt. His son, an angel, the one thing he despised the most. For she knew he hated himself for what he had let himself become. For what he had done as that.

They turned away from the scene as Lloyd named the tree – Yggdrasill, a reminder – and Kratos looked at the sky, at the purple haze slowly getting further away.

"So cold…" He murmured. Raine looked at him.

"I'm sorry… For not trusting you," she murmured. Kratos sighed, seeing Lloyd going over to the rubble, and he looked at her.

"I love you," he whispered, and Raine's breath caught in her throat as Kratos turned abruptly and walked over to his son. Loved her… He loved her? That ache in her heart flared up again… Longing… Longing for him…

"Don't go," she whispered softly, watching him. "Oh, Kratos, please don't go…"

He didn't look back despite his breaking heart as his son sent him to Derris-Kharlan.

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**A/N** There you go, nice little update Tell me what you think! The review button isn't there for show XD


	6. Disillusionment

Is the title a real word? Or is it not? We'll never know mwahaha.

I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated in like forever. I've had fifty million hours worth of homework, the other ToS story I'm doing, interviews to prepare for, and, the biggie, no inspiration whatsoever.

So, here's a teaser chapter while I get back into this. A twist at the end, haha!

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**Disillusionment**

It was strange, really, he thought, as he looked back on it.

They had been enemies, they had been friends. Well… Friends was a rather loose word for it. They had known each other and existed by each other. They had never really been 'friends' in any sense of the word. It was really pushing the limit to say acquaintances.

She was a half-elf. She said she was an elf. He knew why, of Ranches on one side and Tethe'allan law on the other had forced them to hide. Not that she had known the second reason.

So, they had talked a little. And she had got to know him. But they didn't talk often, because they didn't meet often.

It still hurt, inside. The death of the one he'd loved. It stung, and it was bitter, but he carried on, because he had to. Mithos… No, Yggdrasill! He never gave either of them a choice. Those two best friends whose bond grew ever closer because of the one they had thought was a friend, because similarities of events had forced them to understand. Well, he had always understood. But more so as the years went by. Such parallels.

But her? She was young, young by human standards as well as for a half-elf. Well, twenty-four. But that was also young by human standards, wasn't it? It had been so long since he had been young he barely remembered.

Things had changed when Lloyd and the others were trying to make pacts with all the summons. He wasn't certain exactly _when_ they had changed, but they had. He had met her one night, and, despite her wariness of him, they had sat and talked. One night, and one thing, led to another. So there they were.

He wasn't certain when he finally let go of _her_ memory. Of the one he had loved, and lost. He knew she was gone. He knew he would never get her back, that was impossible! But still, in his heart, he had still missed her… Which touch had been more than friends? Which look had been a little closer than before? Which words had melted the ice around his heart? Because he had taken great care to put it there…

In the end, _he_ kissed _her_. He had expected that, were he to fall in love again, it would be the other way around. His denial, she breaking him out from it. But he had whispered in her ear and she had blushed, and then his lips had joined with hers. So simple. So sublime. Such a betrayal of his first love? No… Maybe she would want him to move on. Yes, she would. She had even _said_ it, once…

But Raine. Yes, Raine. Such a beautiful name. Like water from the heavens… No, not heavens. The sky. The blue sky and falling warm rain… That was what she was like. Such a beautiful name.

He had run his hands through her hair, whispered her name in her ear. She had discarded his cape and laughed softly, accepting of the idea, of him now, of the fact that he was a part of Cruxis, but also on their side. Truly on their side. Not a part of Cruxis in anything but name and to keep up appearances.

He had taken out her Exsphere, put it to one side. She had traced her fingers over his Cruxis Crystal once it was revealed, saying how she wished she could remove it, too, and he had agreed, oh, how he had agreed… But he couldn't. He was cursed with the eternal life and he couldn't get rid of it even if he wished to…

Well, he could stop cycling his mana. But then Yggdrasill would have got angry.

He had loved her, that night. She had whispered his name with such love that he thought he would die. It had been so long since he had heard it before… But he had let go of her, hadn't he? Moved on…

They had met again and again, when they could, without Lloyd or Genis getting suspicious of secret midnight rendezvous and clandestine meetings in the twilight. Always at night. They were so busy during the day. And over and over, she'd say his name, and he would say hers, _Raine_, his love now, his new love. For it was worth it! It was worth trying to love again.

After Yggdrasill had died he hadn't been certain of what to do about it, really. After the incident with Origin he had spoken to her again, they still had that love, that understanding. It was there, it would last. Did she judge him for what he had done? No, not at all. She loved him. He loved her.

Didn't he?

Yes, yes he did.

As they journeyed on, still he kept it hidden. Watched her from afar. Saw Zelos' jokey flirting with jealousy but never getting _too_ close, that would be suspicious. He wasn't meant to be with them, after all. She would meet him at night and whisper in his ear that it was only him…

Yes, yes, he loved her. What was _she_ now, but a ghost? You couldn't love a ghost. He could love Raine. And he did. Yes, with all his heart.

As he looked up at the night sky - the real night sky! - And saw Martel's form take shape from many souls of so many dead, Yuan smiled with the thought that he didn't need her any more. He had laid her to rest.

And rest, she did.

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So, what do you guys think? You like my evil, evil twist? And I will update more! I shall post a happy fic, full of fluff, bunnies, okayo and...

Well, ok, I probably won't. But I will post _something._ Promise.

Review with ideas if you like! :)


	7. Empathy

**Update Tiem**

I wrote this story for a bet. I'm writing an original fic with a friend of mine over the internet, and I bet him that I could write an entire oneshot faster than he could write his piece for the story.

I won.

But I had planned to write a oneshot anyway XD And you all get a fluff-tastic piece! No angst! No death and depression! No self-loathing!

...Wow, was it actually me who wrote this?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own ToS, not the characters in it, and I make no money from this story.

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**Empathy**

(Or – why angels need to remember that normal people bake in deserts)

Kratos stood in the centre of the ruins, watching Colette examine the oracle stone with a bored expression on his face. Lloyd was slumped against a stone in the shade, looking like an egg after it had been subjected to Raine's cooking, and Genis wasn't looking all that much better. It seemed Raine's heatstroke had been overcome by her obsessive love of ruins.

"Oh!" Colette exclaimed as the stone moved. "Um… I think I made it move…"

"Let's go," Kratos told them curtly. Kharlan forbid what Raine would do to the corridors inside the temple…

"Kratos." The mercenary looked down to find a rather sunburnt Lloyd tugging on his sleeve. "Tell me your secret!" He frowned.

"What do you mean?" He asked, honestly perplexed.

"You wear purple! You stand out in the sun! You never drink any water! Yet you're just as pale and hydrated as when we entered the desert!" The teen protested. "And I'm worn out, tired and… Red." The corner of Kratos' mouth twitched into a smile. Being unused to such intense sun, Lloyd's skin was the same colour as his clothing.

"You just have weak skin," Kratos told him dismissively, turning to walk away.

Well, he could hardly say 'get a Cruxis Crystal', could he?

"Mr. Aurion, may I have a word?" Raine's voice cut across his thoughts, and he sighed softly. Would people not cease pestering him for once in his life?

"If you must," he responded tersely. Raine made a dissatisfied noise.

"I am concerned with the amount – or lack thereof – of water you are drinking," she told him. "Whether you can stand the heat or not, we are still in a desert, and dehydration can creep up on you, as was proven to Lloyd earlier on." Kratos rolled his eyes. He needed to drink about as much as the worlds needed Raine's cooking.

"I shall address the matter appropriately," he replied. Raine shook her head.

"That won't do," she replied. "I want a solemn promise that you will drink more tomorrow." Kratos sighed.

"Very well," he replied drolly. "I promise I will drink more tomorrow." Raine frowned, clearly suspecting a trick, but crossed her arms and went back to her room, unable to detect it. Kratos was, after all, a very honest person. He would never have lied…

"I am sick of this stupid desert," Lloyd lamented as the group rested under the shade of the only tree for miles, a palm bending over an oasis. Kratos was watching Raine pointedly fill his water bottle for him, having emptied its entire contents into the sand to replace it with fresh oasis water.

"You didn't drink any of it," she pointed out, handing him the bottle back.

"I wasn't thirsty," he responded honestly. He didn't _get _thirsty… Raine frowned.

"You promised you would drink. I don't want you to get dehydrated. Not only is it highly irresponsible of you, you are setting a bad example to the children and I do _not_ want to look after you after you fall ill." Kratos and Raine both ignored heated protests from Lloyd, Genis and Colette at being called children, because all three of them clearly _were_ still children. They proved the point by protesting.

"…Very well," Kratos agreed grudgingly. "I will drink-" Raine cut him off by shaking her head.

"That's not enough," she replied. "When I tell you to drink, form now on, you drink, understood?" Kratos rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a child," he replied. "I can look after myself."

"You haven't been doing a very good job of it so far," Raine responded. "So I will do it for you. You've left me with no choice." Kratos grimaced. She made it sound like a deadly punishment. He was getting a very bad feeling about this.

"Drink," Raine insisted, holding out the bottle to him. Kratos rolled his eyes. They had been walking for three days now, and she said the same thing at least once an hour. It was starting to become very tiresome, and, worryingly, was developing into a habit. He _had_ intended to save his water for in case the others ran out, but… With a sigh, he obediently took a swig from the bottle and passed it back.

Since when had he become a slave to Raine's whims, anyway?

"Are we almost at this trail yet?" Lloyd asked hopefully.

"Yeah, there's sand in my shoes," Genis protested.

"And my throat is all dry," Lloyd added.

"My water bottle's almost empty…" Colette piped up timidly.

"Stop complaining. The less you complain, the faster you'll walk and the sooner we'll be out," Raine told them curtly.

"We should reach the trail by this evening," Kratos added. That perked up their spirits considerably, and all three of them shut up.

Kratos' prediction did, in fact, come true, much to the delight of all of them, including Kratos. It meant he was free from Raine's force-drinking.

_~Several Weeks Later~_

"Do you _ever _look after yourself, Kratos?" Raine lamented as she healed the various small cuts and scrapes he had from the party's fight against the Iapix. He hadn't even felt them – luckily for him, the wounds were small enough for this excuse to be perfectly feasible.

"I do what is necessary," he responded curtly. "They would not have caused me any trouble." Raine tutted.

"Any wound, no matter how small, has the possibility of becoming infected. Remember that," she replied, casting Restore on him to be on the safe side.

"I am aware of that," Kratos replied. Really, did she think him no more than a child? He was over four thousand years old… Not that she knew that. If she did, he was in some serious trouble.

"Then why don't you take more care of yourself?!" Raine asked, exasperated. "You act so blasé about everything, like it's no problem for you, whilst all the time you're at risk of dehydrating, or wounding yourself badly, or catching heaven knows what and sending me out of my mind with worry…"

"You are… Worried about me?" Kratos asked, genuinely surprised. Raine sighed.

"Yes," she admitted. "Why else would I try to make you clean up your act, besides the fact that you're setting an awful example and we need you _alive_ and _well_ to protect Colette."

"Two good reasons," Kratos told her, a slight smile on his face. She laughed.

"Very well, Mister Mercenary, you have one more chance," she told him in a mock threatening tone, waving a finger pointedly. He nodded, pretending to be meek.

"Very well, Miss Sage, I shall endeavour to reform," he replied. "You have my word."

_~The Triet Desert~_

Kratos leant against the wooden wall of the Inn, wondering why he had agreed to this foolish summon-gathering escapade. Not only would it result in having Yggdrasill on his back once the journey was over – a time he was not willing to think about just yet, and one good reason why he had agreed – as soon as they were back in the desert the excitement had given way to complaints. Lots and lots and _lots_ of complaints. All along the same vein, and all similar to those he had listened to on the way _out_ of the desert. Very similar, in fact.

"Ah, Kratos. I thought I might find you out here," a by now familiar voice greeted, and Raine sat by him. "I hope you're drinking enough?" She asked with a smile. He chuckled.

"I am doing my utmost to keep my promise," he responded, an equally warm smile on his face. Despite his better judgement, the two of them had grown to be very close friends over the course of the journey. Another reason for postponing his return to Derris-Kharlan… In all truth, it would make him perfectly happy to just desert altogether, but… He did not want a repeat of his last attempt. He had come to care about those around him, and preserving their lives was now fairly important to him.

He just wished he knew how he could…

"Lloyd still wants to know your secret," Raine revealed with a slight laugh. Kratos glanced down and found that she had rested one hand on his. Oh, what he would not give to be able to feel again… To be human again, to be free of all the responsibilities and the guilt and the power and the hate…

Perhaps, for a while, he could at least pretend. After all, what was this whole journey but a horrific, large-scale play set in place by Yggdrasill? He was the human mercenary, hired by coincidence to safeguard the Chosen. And Raine… Raine was coming close to replacing Anna in his heart. Well, perhaps not replacing. He would never forget Anna. But she had told him herself that he could not be tied down by his past. She had whispered as she lay half-aware, her last words to him, to forgive her and move past her death. To not forget his emotions.

It had taken those five naïve people to make him realise that he had been breaking his promises to her. Lloyd would never forgive him… Nor would Raine. She did so love promises.

"My secret?" Kratos replied, linking his fingers with hers, much to her surprise. "Well… It would not be a secret if I told him, would it?" She laughed.

"No…Not at all," she agreed; her smile as warm as the desert itself.

_~Flanoir~_

"…Kratos?" Raine called out into the snow. "Are you still here?"

"I'm always there when you call, Raine," the Seraph responded softly, landing on the balcony. She turned.

"Kratos…" She murmured. "I… I hoped… I had prayed… But somehow I never truly believe that you were on our side. I'm… Glad." He smiled sadly as she walked over to him.

"You are the most beautiful snowflake of them all," he told her quietly, reaching out a hand to touch her face. "I am so sorry for everything I have caused you, Raine… So very sorry." She let him embrace her gently, and he let himself touch her again, after such a long time of lies and forced separation.

"I forgive you," she whispered as he kissed the top of her head. "I… I was worried about you. I know what you're like… Not looking after yourself…" He laughed weakly.

"I always keep my promises, Raine," he reminded her gently. "I promised to help you, to keep Lloyd safe, to look after myself… To love you. I kept all of my promises." She closed her eyes.

"…It's cold," she murmured. "I… Guess you don't feel that… Do you?" He made an almost imperceptible sad noise.

"I can keep you warm," he murmured. "I can stay this one night. But even when I leave, I swear you'll see me again. I won't leave you now." Raine smiled and put her arms around him properly, as she had been afraid to do, the fear that he would leave again still worrying at her.

_~At the Great Tree~_

"Raine." She turned, his deep, musical voice drawing her to him as ever.

"Kratos," she whispered. She could still hardly believe it was over. That he was still here with them. She ran to him and embraced him, and he returned it with the slightest of good-natured laughs.

"I had meant to leave," he revealed. "To take the sins of Cruxis away from this world." She looked up at him, worried, but he shook his head. "No… I can't leave you," he murmured. "Not now. I promised I'd stay, didn't I? And I will. I will…"

"Kratos…" She murmured.

There was one more star in Symphonia's sky for Kratos to count, but never once did he regret his decision.

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**A/N:** Tell me what you think! I don't really write fluff all that much, so it's probably not very good... Most of my stories degenerate into epic angst-fests... *sigh*


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